Interesting Psychology Team
today I’m going to be discussing narcissistic parents. “When parents become the enemy”, narcissistic parents see their children as an extension of themselves. They absolutely do not see their children as independent people.
And are profoundly threatened by any attempt by the children to individually rate, uh, becoming an adult and essentially be on their own. This particularly becomes an issue when their adult child enters into an adult intimate relationship. The narcissistic parents sees the new partner as a sort of a threat and will do whatever they can possibly can to get in between the relationship of their child and their new partner, uh, and really take back their quote unquote, stolen possession.
Narcissistic parents essentially infantilize their children means it means they want to keep them young, want to keep them crippled, want to keep them independent. Um, so in a sense, they still see their children as little kids. They have no ability to sort of evolve and update the file and see that their child has sort of grown out of a specific developmental stage that they are no longer a helpless dependent child, maybe a very difficult time, respecting their child for their own sense of self and their independence.
Needless to say, trying to reach your own full potential as a child of a narcissistic parent is going to be profoundly difficult. If not nearly impossible. As the narcissist parent will literally do whatever they possibly can to hold them back from being able to individually and become their healthy, independent adult self.
Now narcissistic parents, as bizarre as the seems feel entirely. Entitled to the child’s, uh, assets, their resources, their relationships, and really their entire existence. If you are a child of a narcissist and you decide to walk away and create your own life for yourself, you will see visibly and openly most usually what has been there the entire time, covertly, the betrayal, the intentions, and the monster that hides the true self behind the false self.
Because children naturally want to please their parents. They want to, uh, be good enough for them. They want to praise them. They want to look up to them. It’s very difficult to see from the child’s vantage point, even as an adult, how they are being betrayed by their very own parents. The natural love that a child has for their parent really covers over blinds them to the horrors of their narcissistic parents intentions.
Narcissistic parents absolutely hate their children. They pour them, they see them as a burden, annoying needy and the thief of their personal dreams. They see them as really the reason why they are unhappy and discontent. They blame them. They blame the child for their own unfulfillment and therefore put the onus of responsibility to make them happy on the child.
This weight of the parents, adult emotions on the child crushes the child’s spirit. If. Eventually when the child grows up and decides to walk away and do their own thing, the parent feels betrayed, rejected, deeply disappointed. And again, we’ll do whatever it possibly can do in their power to hold onto the child who in their mind is abandoning them.
Narcissa parents project, all of their unlived and unfulfilled dreams onto the child and demand, and really bully them into fulfilling them themselves. They have zero regard for the child’s personal interests, desires, dreams, and the vision of the child. As far as they concerned that those things do not exist.
If the child were to implement their own vision and decide to put themselves first, they would be shamed, guilted rejected, and essentially become the enemy of the parent. The. Desire to walk away and become their own person is seen as disrespect and no punishment on the side of narcissistic. Parent is too light for the disobedient and insubordinate disrespect, well child, in their opinion, personally, I have gone no contact with my family of origin.
My personal story with my Narcissistic Mother
This was about five years ago from a narcissistic mother, and really everyone I’ve had anything to do with in childhood. And this is for several different reasons. Many people have confronted me second. Guess my judgment. But I will go into details of why I made that decision a seemingly drastic decision.
But as I see it, it life saving an entirely important, necessary decision for my mental wellbeing and really my life, my sanity throughout my life, never understood why my narcissistic mother was the way she was. It was confusing because at times she was very compassionate, very loving. Uh, other times she was absolutely cruel and heartless.
And it was only until I went no contact five years ago that she decided to come after me, make me an enemy and try to take me down. She created massive smear campaign, sent friends, colleagues after me, uh, with absolutely the intention to destroy me as I was only there. Uh, as I realized later on to be there for her, and the second I decided to walk away, my mother did not see me as valuable as an asset, and therefore I needed to be destroyed.
So essentially the entire time this was happening, I just didn’t realize because I was being a narcissist supply from my mother. I was serving her. I was giving her what she wanted, the attention, the adoration, the admiration, essentially the second I decided to walk away and develop a life for myself.
This was the case. My decision to walk away from my family of origin for good was for personal protection. My sanity, my self-respect, my dignity, and frankly, my survival. And I’m not saying this is the best decision for everybody. Uh, in all cases, uh, many people decide that this is not necessarily the case.
If you can hold onto a relationship with your narcissistic parent and maintain strong boundaries, by all means, give it a shot. But what I will say, it’s so important to connect with people who help you grow, who helped you thrive. If they are holding you back, identify if they are doing so and decide accordingly, if they should be in your life.
I do feel strongly that anyone who violates disrespect, mistreats, and bullies you is a threat to your wellbeing. And essentially you have the right obligation and I believe responsibility to protect yourself from them. The family of origin, the family we come from. And the parents that we have that we were raised by are no exception.
If you find that you cannot have. A respectful relationship with them. If you find that trusting them and being violated again and again, is the case removing them or anybody for that matter is a matter of mental sanity, mental health. And the way I see it, like I said, is their responsibility. And sometimes extremely necessary.
Anybody who gets in the way of your growth, your dreams and your mental health is someone who you strongly need to consider. They’re all in your life. It’s healthy to be, be selfish. It’s empowering to be there for yourself. No one has the right to tell you who you are and what is best for you. Sometimes it’s necessary to be the bad guy to be hated, to be a disappointment and disapproved so long as you aren’t those things to yourself.
As long as you are approving of yourself in there for yourself, it really doesn’t matter what anybody thinks of your life. I was abused my entire life by a covert narcissist, a malignant narcissistic mother, religiously, spiritually, verbally, emotionally, physically, you name it. I walked away with my self-respect.
I walked away from my dignity, my health, and for my future. If you are struggling in this way, perhaps a drastic move, like this is not entirely necessary, but if you decide to do it, the journey is a lonely, painful, and arduous one. I want to thank you so very much for joining me on this journey, it’s such an honor to bring you this information today and until next time.
