10 Biggest INFJ’s blind spot (and How to Fix it!)

Today I wanna talk about something super important for all my fellow INFJs out there – our blind spots. As one of the rarest personality types, we INFJs tend to think we got it all figured out. But there are definitely some areas we struggle to see clearly.

So I wanna share 10 big blind spots for INFJs, things we often miss about ourselves or situations that can really trip us up.

 Hopefully this will help provide some insight and clarity! Alright, let’s dive in.

1. We can be idealistic to a fault.

As intuitive feelers with a strong sense of meaning and possibility, we INFJs are all about envisioning a better world. I mean, our ultimate goal is literally to leave things better than we found them! So we’re constantly striving for improvement, in ourselves, our relationships and society.

And this idealism and vision is amazing, it’s why we’re such passionate change-makers. But it can also be our downfall when we let our ideals make us impatient and critical.

For example, say an INFJ has a vision for a more just and equitable workplace. But when we try to enact concrete change, the process feels painfully slow and incremental. People resist moving too far too fast. And so we get frustrated that reality isn’t matching our envisioned ideal.

Our passion for growth and improvement can turn into criticism and judgment about whatever things are lacking. We sometimes lose our compassion and start labeling people or situations as “wrong” or “broken.”

This judgmental attitude not only hurts those around us, it also causes US pain. Because we feel constantly disappointed and angered that the world isn’t living up to our perfect vision.

So what do we do about this? How can we keep our lofty ideals while also being patient and remaining connected to others?

• First, tune into that frustration, take a breath and recenter. Remind yourself every step forward counts. Progress happens slowly but surely. Focus on the growth you DO see vs what’s still missing.
• Second, lead with empathy. People are doing their best with what they have. If you see room for improvement, suggest solutions rather than just pointing out flaws.
• And third, tend to your own inner perfectionist. The outer world will never fully match our inner vision. And that’s OK! Adjust your expectations while still reaching for ideals.

2 – We avoid conflict.

As natural harmonizers who want to create unity, we INFJs absolutely loathe tension and discord. Our extraverted feeling function is all about maintaining social harmony. So we’ll contort ourselves to keep the peace, even when we know an issue needs addressing.

I remember early in my career, I had a coworker who was not pulling his weight on our team projects. But each time I thought about bringing this up to my boss, I’d convince myself it wasn’t THAT big of a deal and I should just handle the extra work quietly.

Sure, in the moment this avoided conflict. But over time it brewed up major resentment in me, which started seeping out in passive aggressive ways. And it clearly wasn’t serving my team or our work either.

This example highlights why conflict avoidance is so counterproductive. When we don’t speak up about issues, they just snowball and end up erupting down the road in uglier ways.

So what can we do?

• First, reframe conflict. It’s not automatically BAD – oftentimes airing disagreements leads to better solutions and brings people closer. Conflicts handled maturely lead to growth.
• Second, get comfortable with discomfort. Having hard convos feels messy and awkward. But on the other side is clarity and resolution. Lean into the temporary discomfort for the long term gain.
• And third, lead with empathy. Make it about working together vs proving a point. “I think we both want what’s best for the team, how can we address this issue collaboratively?”

3 – We give too much, too soon.

For example, say we meet someone we really vibe with – we’ll want to hang out with them 24/7, share our deepest feelings, and basically start acting like we’re lifelong BFFs right off the bat.

This intensity is because we see so much potential in people, so we want to dive all in and actualize that potential ASAP. But this overwhelms people and freaks them out.

We have to remember that great relationships take time to build. You wouldn’t construct a skyscraper on a whim, right? You’d lay the foundation, reinforce the beams, slowly add floors. Same goes for relationships.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. People need time and space to develop connections in a gradual way. We might feel an instant soulmate-level bond, but drops of water will eventually fill a bucket too.

So how can we pace ourselves?

•  First, challenge that urge to merge. Remind yourself to take it slow. Build a solid foundation before constructing the whole skyscraper.
• Second, focus on being present vs trying to fast forward. Appreciate each conversation, laugh and shared moment as it comes.
• And third, let others set the pace. Resist overreaching and let connection unfold naturally. Patience pays off in relationships, even though it’s hard for us goal-oriented INFJs!

4 – We’re control freaks.

We INFJs do have a little control freak lurking inside us! As strategic planners who think 10 steps ahead, we definitely like orchestrating situations and accounting for every possible outcome.

I think this stems from our future-oriented intuition (Ni) – we can envision so many directions things can go, we want to meticulously choose the best path forward.

For example, say I’m planning a birthday party for a friend. I’ll spend hours mapping out the perfect playlist, ideal decorations, and the most crowd-pleasing menu. Every detail will be considered and selected with purpose.

And in my head, this is all very reasonable! Of course we should thoughtfully curate the vibe to create the perfect experience for my friend. Duh.

But from the outside, it can look pretty obsessive and controlling. My meticulous orchestration leaves little room for spontaneity. And it frustrates others when I override their ideas because “I know better.”

The truth is, no amount of planning can account for everything. The universe often has something even better in store than our preconceived vision. We gotta loosen up!

So how can we relinquish control?

•  First, get clear on our motivation. Often it stems from fear – of the unknown, of imperfection, of looking bad. Identify the root worry.
• Second, run our plans by others and get their input. Chances are there are great ideas we’d never think of. Collaboration leads to even better outcomes.
• And third, let go of the need to micromanage each moment. Allow things to unfold naturally! Enjoy the journey vs fixating on the destination.

5 – We’re disaster forecasters.

This is such a good one – we INFJs do have a tendency to turn into worrywarts obsessed with predicting worst case scenarios!

With our dominant Ni intuition, we’re always scanning for patterns and possibilities. So we quickly see all the things that could potentially go wrong in any given situation.

This helps us avoid pitfalls and plan thoroughly. But in excess, it makes us extremely prone to anxiety and catastrophizing. We start assuming the worst and bracing for disasters that will probably never happen.

For example, say I’m planning a beach picnic. A more easygoing type may think “Nice, this will be fun!” But my INFJ brain goes wild with worst case scenarios…

“What if it rains and we’re stuck in a downpour? What if the food gives us food poisoning? What if there are sharks in the water?? We could DIE!”

When I get lost in disaster forecasting like this, I work myself up into a state of high alert anxiety, primed for tragedy. Which of course ruins my ability to enjoy the moment.

So how can we stay present vs getting sucked into imaginary doom spirals? A few tips:

• Actively redirect your thoughts when you notice worrying. Bring them back to the here and now.
• Check the likelihood your worst case scenario will actually happen. Often it’s very low!
• Balance out negativity bias with gratitude for what’s going right.
• Limit future tripping by staying active in the present.

6 – We have blind spot bias.

As INFJs, it’s so true that we often fall into “blindspot bias” where we assume we have things figured out and stop questioning our assumptions.

I think this stems from the fact that we tend to have very strong inner convictions that we’ve deliberated on deeply. Our introverted intuition (Ni) allows us to form perspectives and models of how things work.

Once we’ve come to certain conclusions, we then have a hard time staying open and reconsidering them. We think “Nope, I’ve already worked this out, my understanding is solid.”

For example, maybe I have a firm belief that morning routines are essential for productivity. This conviction blinds me to other perspectives.

So when a friend says she thrives working late nights, I dismiss her experience and insist morning routines are the only way. My blindspot bias closes me off to new information.

This is so limiting! It causes us to come across closed-minded people and alienates people. There are always other insightful ways of looking at things.

How can we stay open-minded? A few tips:

• Notice when you feel defensive about a perspective. This is a blindspot trigger!
• Actively seek dissenting views to balance out your biases.
• Remind yourself you don’t have to control or convert others.
• Check your need to be right – maybe you’re missing key data!

7 – We don’t set boundaries.

You’re so right, learning to set boundaries is a huge challenge for us INFJs! We’re natural people pleasers who want to accommodate everyone’s needs and happily go with the flow.

Saying “no” feels rude and selfish to us. We think surely we can fit in one more favor, work extra hours, or be endlessly available to people. We don’t want to disappoint!

But this is totally unsustainable and leads to resentment, burnout and loss of self.

For example, I remember early in my career, I would always say yes to covering extra shifts for coworkers. I wanted to help out and be the amenable team player.

But it got excessive. I was working back-to-back double shifts with no time for self-care. I became exhausted and angry but still couldn’t say no because I didn’t want to be difficult.

This example highlights why boundaries are so critical. When we overextend for others at our own expense, it breeds unhealthy martyrdom and pleasing people.

So how can we start saying no?

• Know your limits. Reflect on your non-negotiable needs.
• Remember saying no can be an act of self-love, not selfishness. You matter too.
• If guilt arises, sit with it rather than automatically giving in.
• Offer alternatives that work for you, like “I can’t do Thursday but Friday works.”
• Be a broken record if people pressure you. Stand firm in protecting yourself.

8 – We paradoxically fear rejection. 

As idealists guided by our values and vision, you’d think we’d be confident marching to the beat of our own drum. But surprisingly, we have a lot of social anxiety and fear of being excluded.

I think this stems from our dominant function – extroverted feeling (Fe). We’re highly attuned to social norms and want to connect deeply with people. Being disliked or left out is devastating to us.

So we can get extremely in our heads trying to read people’s receptiveness to us. We obsess over whether we said the wrong thing or if someone secretly dislikes us. We freeze up at the thought of potential rejection.

For example, I agonize for days before sending someone a risky text asking them out or pitching a project idea. What if they say no?? That would be the ultimate rejection, in my irrational brain.

But the funny thing is, rejection is rarely personal. We have to remember people are wrapped up in their own worlds 90% of the time. Our fears are exaggerated.

Here are some tips for overcoming rejection sensitivity:

• Recognize irrational social anxiety thoughts and challenge them.
• Remember you can’t control or predict how people respond. Focus on your actions.
• Reframe rejection is redirection to better people and opportunities.
• Take social risks anyway to prove you can handle it! Each time gets easier.

9 – We underestimate our gifts.

As INFJs, our humility and perfectionism definitely cause us to downplay our talents and insights, even though we have so much wisdom to offer!

I think this stems from our idealism – we have such a clear vision of our potential, and where we fall short of that, we get self-critical instead of recognizing how much we DO accomplish.

Like I might write what I think is an amazing philosophy paper, but because it’s not Nobel Prize winning caliber, in my mind it’s a failure. Or I’ll have a breakthrough coaching session with a client, but pick apart the one awkward moment rather than celebrating the overall impact.

Our introverted intuition also causes us to minimize our gifts because they seem so natural to us. To me, my empathic abilities feel as normal as breathing. So it’s hard for me to recognize how meaningful but uncommon deep listening is for others.

We also downplay our talents because we HATE appearing arrogant or self-promotional. We’d rather go unnoticed than seem boastful. But there’s a happy medium where we can own our worth without ego.

Here are some tips for owning our gifts as INFJs:

• When you minimize praise, replace it with simple gratitude – “Thank you, that’s so kind!”
• Notice self-criticism and consciously shift your inner dialogue.
• Keep a highlight reel of your accomplishments to recognize on tough days.
• open up about your gifts with trusted confidants. Their positive feedback will help reframe how you see yourself.

10 – We give up too soon.

We INFJs are very prone to abandoning situations quickly when they don’t live up to our expectations. We definitely need to work on patience and perseverance!

I think our high-minded intuition (Ni) envisions such a perfect vision of how things could be, that we get disappointed with imperfect reality and want to escape/start fresh.

Like say I start a new job that seemed amazing at first. But as the rose tint wears off, I start noticing all the ways it’s mismanaged and dysfunctional.

My instinct is then to daydream about quitting and immediately finding a new “perfect” job. Rather than sticking it out to see if things improve with time as I learn to navigate office politics.

Or in relationships, as soon as my soulmate honeymoon phase wears off, I start cataloging every one of my partner’s flaws and considering if the grass might be greener elsewhere.

In essence, we give up too quickly because our ideals set an impossibly high bar. We underestimate our ability to facilitate gradual positive change if we hang in there.

Here are some tips for persevering despite discouragement:

• Remind yourself that everything worthwhile has challenges and growing pains.
• Focus on progress made rather than perfection. Small gains add up!
• Ask yourself if the situation could improve with more time and effort from you.
• Be patient and compassionate with others’ growth process too.

Let me know in the comments if any of these resonate with you. This one meant to inform, inspire and empower my fellow INFJs. We got this! Alright, talk soon friends.