Conflict Resolution For Children

We can start with the teacher or guidance counselor when bullying behavior occurs. But what if the school or other parents get an inadequate response? Or what if you’ve got a child who doesn’t want to talk about it to anyone? The following conflict resolution tools can assist your child with bullying (not just in one piece, but actually growing through the experience).

Conflict Resolution Tool #1: Teach Your Child to Communicate Very Clearly

Effective conflict resolution is problematic because many of us, as adults, are still struggling with the same thing. When we were young, we never learned how to resolve conflict properly. We’ve hidden it. We were screaming. We’ve been a boss. But even if you’re not great at dealing with conflict, you need to teach her to be her own mediator and her own advocate to successfully arm your child.
Some kids will get this, of course, and others will struggle with it. And regardless of what school your child attends, schools do not teach these skills enough.

What do you do if when you’re in a park your son starts having a problem with another boy? You could speak to your son alone and ignore the other kid’s rude behavior, or you could leave. But it’s better to push through and do the harder thing — speak directly to the other child. What’s the reason? First, remember that the way you interact with that tiny perpetrator shows your child how to deal with conflict— even if you’re facing conflict badly. What better way to get started than with a kid? It may be easier for you: the child will be more forgiving of your malicious efforts. For some of us, conflict is like a foreign language, and we have to practice to get better at it. Model it for your kids.

But what if the need for your child helps to navigate troubled situations? We came up with an acronym for my daughter who felt lost in conflict so she could remember the exact steps to be taken when there is mean play directed at her or when others are excluding her. The acronym is STAFF, and the bullied’s support is:

Say how you feel.

what they’re doing is wrong you’ve got to tell them that. Ask what you’d like to happen. Give the other person space to reply to you. If that’s not working. Find another person to play with. If you decide you don’t want to play with this group, it’s your choice. Unless that fits the situation. Finding an adult. Children should not handle some situations completely.

Conflict Resolution Tool #2: Make Sure Your Child Knows Where to Go for Help

Make sure your child knows where to go to help “find an adult” is a last resort, but it is still important. We don’t want a generation of children to be raised whose first impulse is to get a teacher. But your child should know where there’s a safe space in every situation, whether it’s in the classroom, at lunch, or out of school.

Conflict Resolution Tool #3: Practice Creative Problem-Solving

Practice Creative Problem-Solving Parents may develop some creative redirection for a younger child in conflict situations. But this makes the early parenting parts so exhausting: you’re not just physically tired, but you still have the creative burden. We can give our kids the scaffolding as soon as possible to talk about what’s going on and predict an outcome:

If a girl in his class repeatedly poked Ben with a pencil, he could do several different things. But first, in his head, he can think through the results. Ben might be able to poke back. Ben is able to cry. Ben can either tell the girl to stop or change seats. Make it the job of Ben to come up with creative alternatives to the situation and then strengthen the solutions that you want to stick around.

This won’t always work because sometimes a bully still acts like a bully, no matter what your kid tries. Ask your child to think about ways in which he can change his own behavior to be happier in that situation. Ask your child to come up with a way to get the bully to understand their actions sufficiently to change them, whether or not he can implement this. Ask your child to plan a way to help other school – intimidated children. Write down these things and then help your child to change his world proactively.

Conflict Resolution Tool #4: Foster Compassion for the Bully

Having empathy for the bully is an important part of developing your child’s mature sense of empathy. Remember that research shows that if you see that person as very different from yourself, it is harder to understand someone’s perspective. Try to ask your son to explain the actions of the bully as if the bully was his best friend. Talk about feelings— the feelings of both your son and the feelings of the bully. Make your child a detective: try reading the body language of the bully, finding patterns in the behavior of the bully, finding a motivation. Draw your child’s face from the bully and write bubbles of words that say what the bully might think.

There is a program called Cognitive-Based Compassion Training (CBCT) that uses awareness training to enhance children’s compassion— yes, compassion even towards bullies. The CBCT is run by Emory University researchers and involves spending a few minutes on a daily basis simply reflecting on how we are all interconnected with the goal of becoming more altruistic and compassionate. When our kids deal with people they perceive as threatening, the response to body stress is not so different from what a bear’s response might be. Inserting these mindful moments into classrooms helps to reduce this reaction to stress in children, and it follows that having these mindful moments at home also has a great advantage.

Here’s an example:

Siblings Carson, 4 years old, and Liam, 9 years old, complained in their monster truck video game about the “big bully” car. “He’s so mean, and all the time he’s butting in front of us and the rules don’t matter. I don’t like it, “Carson said. Their father, Bradley, who just yesterday played the video game with them to unlock a level for them, said, “Oh, it’s okay guys. He’s just trying to win.I think his mother’s in the hospital and he’s trying to make money to pay her doctor’s bills. “Carson paused and looked at his father. You could see it being processed. “No, uh,” Carson said. “He’s not.” “Yep,” Bradley continued. “She’s old and sick, and because he loves her so much, he will do all he can to win. When he wins, she will be so proud of him. Maybe we can all go to visit her in the hospital together after the race is over.

Teaching your child to take a position of empathy gives her a great individual boost in power. First, she will understand the situation better, so she can predict the behavior of other people based on their emotions. Second, if she appreciates other people’s emotional distress and has tried it on herself, she is more likely to act.
Third, her ability to choose whether or not to act can shift the entire power balance between the bully and the bully. The key to useful empathy lies in the power of situational control — the power of applied empathy.