Interesting Psychology Team
Whatever you speak into existence and give your attention to eventually becomes your reality, so it’s really important to pay attention to what you’re telling yourself, especially negative self-talk.
Here’s a little list of things I would tell myself on a daily basis:
- “Why are you so stupid?”
- “OMG, I can’t do anything right; I’m such a loser!”
- “WTF is wrong with you, Tobi?”
- “I can’t help it; I’ll never change.”
- “Everyone at this party is going to hate me.”
- “Whoa! You are ugly; no wonder you’re single.”
- “I can’t even do this one thing right.”
- “Everyone thinks you’re ridiculous.”
- “Why are you so weak and emotional?”
- “I should be better; I should have done things differently.”
- “How do you ever expect to have a girlfriend if you can’t even talk without getting nervous?”
Looking back now, I would never say to my worst enemy the things I said to myself. I WAS my own worst enemy. Is your inner voice your best friend or worst critic?
Chances are, if you’re not feeling confident, you have some negative self-talk going on. What are some of the things you tell yourself when you’re in a social interaction or while you’re going about your day?
Are you supportive, encouraging, and praising? Or are you harsh, critical, and judgmental of yourself? What do you say to yourself before you’re about to go for a job interview? Do you say to yourself something like the following?
“I’m great at my job. I’d be an asset to any company; of course, they’re going to hire me!”
Or do you say something along the lines of this?
“You suck. You’re not good enough; you’re not smart enough for this job. You don’t deserve to make more money.”
What about when you’re thinking about talking to someone you find attractive?
Do you tell yourself something like?
“I’m a nice person. I know I have a lot to offer and would make someone really happy.”
Or do you say something along the lines of this?
“Whoa, what are you doing? You’re not good enough for him/her; they’re out of your league. You’re too ugly/fat/shy/insert put down here. Forget about it, there’s no point. You have no chance.”
Again, none of this is ever meant to make you feel bad about yourself. I’m telling you this to point out there are things here we need to change if we want to improve our self-esteem and our lives.
You will never fully be able to stop this critical voice, but what I do now is make a conscious effort to catch myself in the process of having a negative thought, realize it’s not the truth, and reframe it.
For example, I would be at a party and see people looking in my direction and laughing. My self-talk would go like this…
“They’re all laughing at me. It’s probably my clothes. I knew I shouldn’t have worn this shirt. They all think I’m ugly; they’re laughing at how ugly I am. Yeah, I must be ugly.”
I began to catch myself every time I could see I was going on one of my downward spirals. Most of your self-talk is probably happening to you on autopilot. The first step is becoming aware that you’re actually doing it; the next step is to challenge it with a rational thought.
First, I became aware and labeled it.
“Okay, here’s my self-talk telling me that I’m ugly again.”
Then I challenged it by asking myself something logical such as.
“How can I be sure they’re laughing at me? Am I a mind reader? Maybe someone told a funny joke and they just happened to be looking my way. Anyway, what they think about me doesn’t concern me; it only matters how I feel about myself.”
Becoming aware of your self-talk is a gradual process but it does get easier with practice. Most of my negative thinking was subconscious. I wasn’t even aware I was doing it most of the time. However, when I became conscious of these thoughts I could begin to catch them.
From now on, make an effort to no longer talk down to yourself and be your own worst enemy. Don’t feel bad about yourself if you slip up sometimes. We all do. Initially, you probably won’t be able to do much to stop your negative thoughts.
Chances are, they’ve become subconscious thought patterns. Depending on how often and long you’ve been using negative self-talk, you’ll perhaps start off only being able to catch one out of five of them.
Over time, as long as you stay focused and aware, you’ll find yourself noticing more and more of this negative self-talk as it comes up. After a while, it will become less and less frequent. Never expect it to stop completely, but now you have the tools to challenge it or not pay attention to it anymore.
Remember, everyone in the world has a little voice in their head telling them why they’re not capable, or ugly, or worthless, etc. The difference is some choose not to pay attention to it because they know it’s not the truth.
You become what you think about, so train yourself to think and say good things about yourself
We all have a little voice in our heads constantly talking to us. Some people refer to it as our internal dialogue. The things we tell ourselves have a very powerful effect on the way we feel about ourselves and what we believe is possible for us.
Whatever you speak into existence and give your attention to eventually becomes your reality, so it’s really important to pay attention to what you’re telling yourself.
Here’s a little list of things I would tell myself on a daily basis:
- “Why are you so stupid?”
- “OMG, I can’t do anything right; I’m such a loser!”
- “WTF is wrong with you, Tobi?”
- “I can’t help it; I’ll never change.”
- “Everyone at this party is going to hate me.”
- “Whoa! You are ugly; no wonder you’re single.”
- “I can’t even do this one thing right.”
- “Everyone thinks you’re ridiculous.”
- “Why are you so weak and emotional?”
- “I should be better; I should have done things differently.”
- “How do you ever expect to have a girlfriend if you can’t even talk without getting nervous?”
Looking back now, I would never say to my worst enemy the things I said to myself. I WAS my own worst enemy. Is your inner voice your best friend or worst critic?
Chances are, if you’re not feeling confident, you have some negative self-talk going on. What are some of the things you tell yourself when you’re in a social interaction or while you’re going about your day?
Are you supportive, encouraging, and praising? Or are you harsh, critical, and judgmental of yourself? What do you say to yourself before you’re about to go for a job interview? Do you say to yourself something like the following?
“I’m great at my job. I’d be an asset to any company; of course, they’re going to hire me!”
Or do you say something along the lines of this?
“You suck. You’re not good enough; you’re not smart enough for this job. You don’t deserve to make more money.”
What about when you’re thinking about talking to someone you find attractive?
Do you tell yourself something like?
“I’m a nice person. I know I have a lot to offer and would make someone really happy.”
Or do you say something along the lines of this?
“Whoa, what are you doing? You’re not good enough for him/her; they’re out of your league. You’re too ugly/fat/shy/insert put down here. Forget about it, there’s no point. You have no chance.”
Again, none of this is ever meant to make you feel bad about yourself. I’m telling you this to point out there are things here we need to change if we want to improve our self-esteem and our lives.
You will never fully be able to stop this critical voice, but what I do now is make a conscious effort to catch myself in the process of having a negative thought, realize it’s not the truth, and reframe it.
For example, I would be at a party and see people looking in my direction and laughing. My self-talk would go like this…
“They’re all laughing at me. It’s probably my clothes. I knew I shouldn’t have worn this shirt. They all think I’m ugly; they’re laughing at how ugly I am. Yeah, I must be ugly.”
I began to catch myself every time I could see I was going on one of my downward spirals. Most of your self-talk is probably happening to you on autopilot. The first step is becoming aware that you’re actually doing it; the next step is to challenge it with a rational thought.
First, I became aware and labeled it.
“Okay, here’s my self-talk telling me that I’m ugly again.”
Then I challenged it by asking myself something logical such as.
“How can I be sure they’re laughing at me? Am I a mind reader? Maybe someone told a funny joke and they just happened to be looking my way. Anyway, what they think about me doesn’t concern me; it only matters how I feel about myself.”
Becoming aware of your self-talk is a gradual process but it does get easier with practice. Most of my negative thinking was subconscious. I wasn’t even aware I was doing it most of the time. However, when I became conscious of these thoughts I could begin to catch them.
From now on, make an effort to no longer talk down to yourself and be your own worst enemy. Don’t feel bad about yourself if you slip up sometimes. We all do. Initially, you probably won’t be able to do much to stop your negative thoughts.
Chances are, they’ve become subconscious thought patterns. Depending on how often and long you’ve been using negative self-talk, you’ll perhaps start off only being able to catch one out of five of them.
Over time, as long as you stay focused and aware, you’ll find yourself noticing more and more of this negative self-talk as it comes up. After a while, it will become less and less frequent. Never expect it to stop completely, but now you have the tools to challenge it or not pay attention to it anymore.
Remember, everyone in the world has a little voice in their head telling them why they’re not capable, or ugly, or worthless, etc. The difference is some choose not to pay attention to it because they know it’s not the truth.
You become what you think about, so train yourself to think and say good things about yourself
