Whatever you speak into existence and give your attention to eventually becomes your reality, so itβs really important to pay attention to what youβre telling yourself, especially negative self-talk.
Hereβs a little list of things I would tell myself on a daily basis:
- βWhy are you so stupid?β
- βOMG, I canβt do anything right; Iβm such a loser!β
- βWTF is wrong with you, Tobi?β
- βI canβt help it; Iβll never change.β
- βEveryone at this party is going to hate me.β
- βWhoa! You are ugly; no wonder youβre single.β
- βI canβt even do this one thing right.β
- βEveryone thinks youβre ridiculous.β
- βWhy are you so weak and emotional?β
- βI should be better; I should have done things differently.β
- βHow do you ever expect to have a girlfriend if you canβt even talk without getting nervous?β
Looking back now, I would never say to my worst enemy the things I said to myself. I WAS my own worst enemy. Is your inner voice your best friend or worst critic?
Chances are, if youβre not feeling confident, you have some negative self-talk going on. What are some of the things you tell yourself when youβre in a social interaction or while youβre going about your day?
Are you supportive, encouraging, and praising? Or are you harsh, critical, and judgmental of yourself? What do you say to yourself before youβre about to go for a job interview? Do you say to yourself something like the following?
βIβm great at my job. Iβd be an asset to any company; of course, theyβre going to hire me!β
Or do you say something along the lines of this?
βYou suck. Youβre not good enough; youβre not smart enough for this job. You donβt deserve to make more money.β
What about when youβre thinking about talking to someone you find attractive?
Do you tell yourself something like?
βIβm a nice person. I know I have a lot to offer and would make someone really happy.β
Or do you say something along the lines of this?
βWhoa, what are you doing? Youβre not good enough for him/her; theyβre out of your league. Youβre too ugly/fat/shy/insert put down here. Forget about it, thereβs no point. You have no chance.β
Again, none of this is ever meant to make you feel bad about yourself. Iβm telling you this to point out there are things here we need to change if we want to improve our self-esteem and our lives.
You will never fully be able to stop this critical voice, but what I do now is make a conscious effort to catch myself in the process of having a negative thought, realize itβs not the truth, and reframe it.
For example, I would be at a party and see people looking in my direction and laughing. My self-talk would go like thisβ¦
βTheyβre all laughing at me. Itβs probably my clothes. I knew I shouldnβt have worn this shirt. They all think Iβm ugly; theyβre laughing at how ugly I am. Yeah, I must be ugly.β
I began to catch myself every time I could see I was going on one of my downward spirals. Most of your self-talk is probably happening to you on autopilot. The first step is becoming aware that youβre actually doing it; the next step is to challenge it with a rational thought.
First, I became aware and labeled it.
βOkay, hereβs my self-talk telling me that Iβm ugly again.β
Then I challenged it by asking myself something logical such as.
βHow can I be sure theyβre laughing at me? Am I a mind reader? Maybe someone told a funny joke and they just happened to be looking my way. Anyway, what they think about me doesnβt concern me; it only matters how I feel about myself.β
Becoming aware of your self-talk is a gradual process but it does get easier with practice. Most of my negative thinking was subconscious. I wasnβt even aware I was doing it most of the time. However, when I became conscious of these thoughts I could begin to catch them.
From now on, make an effort to no longer talk down to yourself and be your own worst enemy. Donβt feel bad about yourself if you slip up sometimes. We all do. Initially, you probably wonβt be able to do much to stop your negative thoughts.
Chances are, theyβve become subconscious thought patterns. Depending on how often and long youβve been using negative self-talk, youβll perhaps start off only being able to catch one out of five of them.
Over time, as long as you stay focused and aware, youβll find yourself noticing more and more of this negative self-talk as it comes up. After a while, it will become less and less frequent. Never expect it to stop completely, but now you have the tools to challenge it or not pay attention to it anymore.
Remember, everyone in the world has a little voice in their head telling them why theyβre not capable, or ugly, or worthless, etc. The difference is some choose not to pay attention to it because they know itβs not the truth.
You become what you think about, so train yourself to think and say good things about yourself
We all have a little voice in our heads constantly talking to us. Some people refer to it as our internal dialogue. The things we tell ourselves have a very powerful effect on the way we feel about ourselves and what we believe is possible for us.
Whatever you speak into existence and give your attention to eventually becomes your reality, so itβs really important to pay attention to what youβre telling yourself.
Hereβs a little list of things I would tell myself on a daily basis:
- βWhy are you so stupid?β
- βOMG, I canβt do anything right; Iβm such a loser!β
- βWTF is wrong with you, Tobi?β
- βI canβt help it; Iβll never change.β
- βEveryone at this party is going to hate me.β
- βWhoa! You are ugly; no wonder youβre single.β
- βI canβt even do this one thing right.β
- βEveryone thinks youβre ridiculous.β
- βWhy are you so weak and emotional?β
- βI should be better; I should have done things differently.β
- βHow do you ever expect to have a girlfriend if you canβt even talk without getting nervous?β
Looking back now, I would never say to my worst enemy the things I said to myself. I WAS my own worst enemy. Is your inner voice your best friend or worst critic?
Chances are, if youβre not feeling confident, you have some negative self-talk going on. What are some of the things you tell yourself when youβre in a social interaction or while youβre going about your day?
Are you supportive, encouraging, and praising? Or are you harsh, critical, and judgmental of yourself? What do you say to yourself before youβre about to go for a job interview? Do you say to yourself something like the following?
βIβm great at my job. Iβd be an asset to any company; of course, theyβre going to hire me!β
Or do you say something along the lines of this?
βYou suck. Youβre not good enough; youβre not smart enough for this job. You donβt deserve to make more money.β
What about when youβre thinking about talking to someone you find attractive?
Do you tell yourself something like?
βIβm a nice person. I know I have a lot to offer and would make someone really happy.β
Or do you say something along the lines of this?
βWhoa, what are you doing? Youβre not good enough for him/her; theyβre out of your league. Youβre too ugly/fat/shy/insert put down here. Forget about it, thereβs no point. You have no chance.β
Again, none of this is ever meant to make you feel bad about yourself. Iβm telling you this to point out there are things here we need to change if we want to improve our self-esteem and our lives.
You will never fully be able to stop this critical voice, but what I do now is make a conscious effort to catch myself in the process of having a negative thought, realize itβs not the truth, and reframe it.
For example, I would be at a party and see people looking in my direction and laughing. My self-talk would go like thisβ¦
βTheyβre all laughing at me. Itβs probably my clothes. I knew I shouldnβt have worn this shirt. They all think Iβm ugly; theyβre laughing at how ugly I am. Yeah, I must be ugly.β
I began to catch myself every time I could see I was going on one of my downward spirals. Most of your self-talk is probably happening to you on autopilot. The first step is becoming aware that youβre actually doing it; the next step is to challenge it with a rational thought.
First, I became aware and labeled it.
βOkay, hereβs my self-talk telling me that Iβm ugly again.β
Then I challenged it by asking myself something logical such as.
βHow can I be sure theyβre laughing at me? Am I a mind reader? Maybe someone told a funny joke and they just happened to be looking my way. Anyway, what they think about me doesnβt concern me; it only matters how I feel about myself.β
Becoming aware of your self-talk is a gradual process but it does get easier with practice. Most of my negative thinking was subconscious. I wasnβt even aware I was doing it most of the time. However, when I became conscious of these thoughts I could begin to catch them.
From now on, make an effort to no longer talk down to yourself and be your own worst enemy. Donβt feel bad about yourself if you slip up sometimes. We all do. Initially, you probably wonβt be able to do much to stop your negative thoughts.
Chances are, theyβve become subconscious thought patterns. Depending on how often and long youβve been using negative self-talk, youβll perhaps start off only being able to catch one out of five of them.
Over time, as long as you stay focused and aware, youβll find yourself noticing more and more of this negative self-talk as it comes up. After a while, it will become less and less frequent. Never expect it to stop completely, but now you have the tools to challenge it or not pay attention to it anymore.
Remember, everyone in the world has a little voice in their head telling them why theyβre not capable, or ugly, or worthless, etc. The difference is some choose not to pay attention to it because they know itβs not the truth.
You become what you think about, so train yourself to think and say good things about yourself