Interesting Psychology Team
Having trouble figuring out who just might be a narcissist? They can be difficult to spot because theyβre so good at concealing their truth. At the start, theyβre likely to appear very likeable and well-rounded, making those around them gravitate towards them. Itβs only when you fall too deep into their trap that it becomes apparent what they truly are.
There are a few markers you can use to help Spotting a Narcissist in the real world. Often, these tell-tale signals should manifest all together, allowing you to identify the narcissist with more accuracy.
Why a Narcissist Have a Pleasing Personality
Narcissists have a knack for making themselves look exceptionally flawless to the public. Theyβre friendly, smiley, and charming, making new acquaintances feel comfortable in their familiar and amiable aura. They tend to make you feel good about yourself even right off the bat which might cause you to think that they genuinely like you, too.
They will draw attention towards themselves by talking about their most esteemed accomplishments, which may endear you to them even more. The idea that this person is friendly and successful makes them even more admirable. Essentially, their entire persona makes you want to be their friend, be close to them, and be associated with them in whatever little way possible.
This is because we as humans have a natural tendency to think that associating with successful, smart, beautiful, or βidealβ people will somehow uplift our own image. Thatβs why many of us probably struggled to rub elbows with the coolest kids in school.
A good way to pick out a narcissist would be to assess their persona and how well you know them. Is there any bad news about who they are? Have you heard any stories that talk about any possible negative things theyβve done or said? Or are they completely polished and blemish-free? If you notice that a person seems too good to be true, they probably are.
The Narcissist Acts Differently When They’re Not Around You
There are what you might call βlevelsβ of worth in a narcissistβs mind. People who obviously have more money, success, or are considered more physically appealing are acknowledged as βsuperiorβ in a narcissistβs mind, so these people obviously receive the best treatment narcissists have to offer. People who fall within the same financial, success, and beauty bracket are considered equals and are treated the same. Those who fall slightly below the narcissistβs self-appraisal are still deserving of praise and good treatment, but theyβre awarded on a conditional basis . That is, these people need to do something in order to deserve the narcissistβs approval and praise.
Finally, there are people of zero interest to the narcissist. These are average everyday individuals who are seen as unnecessary and irrelevant, so narcissists wonβt bother being nice or spending effort to show their good side.
For instance, a narcissist might lash out disproportionately if the coffee shop barista makes the mistake of adding cream to their order. The narcissist might call the cashier at a grocery store βlazyβ or βdumbβ for taking too long checking out the items in their cart. They might insult the customer support specialist on the other end of the line if they arenβt able to provide a solution fast enough.
When it comes to pleasing people and seeking admiration, a narcissist will only spend effort trying to appease people that they know will always be in their circle of contacts. After all, why try to win over a cashier that youβre not likely to meet again in the future? Thatβs why many menial workers often get the brunt of a narcissistβs bad attitude even if this is their first encounter.
What does a Narcissist do when no one is Watching?
Caught alone with a narcissist? Get ready to hear some juicy gossip about the people in your mutual circle. If thereβs one thing that narcissists love, itβs breaking down other peopleβs image. The process of talking negatively about other people makes a narcissist feel elevated,Β
allowing them to polish their image further, especially when theyβre compared to the person being talked about.
Aside from that, spewing negativity about other people strengthens their bond with key individuals in their narcissistic supply. Take this scenario for example:
Here is a Quick Story (Chris and Sheryl)
Chris met Sheryl at a mutual friendβs party and thought she was quite the charmer. The woman was witty, funny, and intelligent, able to hold a decent conversation without letting things get boring. Not to mention the fact that she looked like quite the stunner. Chris thought she was a dream, so he went ahead and asked for her number before they parted ways that night.
The following week, Chris asked Sheryl whether sheβd like to grab a cup of coffee, which she agreed to. They spent some time talking and got to know each other quite well in such a short span of time. Their dates became a part of their weekly routine.
Soon enough, they were comfortable enough with each other that Sheryl found it easy to open up to Chris about more personal topics, and Chris felt the same way. So, when Sheryl asked him about previous love interests, he didnβt hesitate to share.
Sheryl learned that Chris had dated her college roommate Tara for a month around 2 years prior. So, Sheryl took the opportunity to drop some information on the girl under the guise of simply being open and truthful about the people they knew. She told Chris that Tara was promiscuous, bringing men into their shared space too often for comfort. She also claimed that Tara had a bad temper that would push her to throw things around in her rage.
Chris said he was happy the relationship didnβt flourish, and he was grateful for having met Sheryl. He even went as far as comparing her with Tara, saying that Sheryl was far more attractive and appealing in more ways than one.
Unfortunately for Chris, much of the information that Sheryl shared about Tara was based loosely on onetime events that didnβt accurately represent her personality or attitude. On top of that, Sheryl found it necessary to talk negatively about Tara because it would discourage Chris from continuing to see her as someone attractive, an idea that threatened Sherylβs sense of superiority. Not wanting to have Chris even remotely think that Tara could have been a viable partner, Sheryl went ahead and destroyed whatever remained of her image.
Youβll find that a narcissist has a lot of confidence to talk about other people in your circle and the things that could put them in a bad light. Sometimes, you might even find that the conversations feel inappropriate and intrusive, especially because narcissists will share such intimate information with someone theyβve just recently met.
Narcissist at Work …(Successful Yet Exaggerated)
Everyone loves a great success story. Rising up against the struggle, defeating the odds, and establishing a comfortable life after having been dealt a bad card, thatβs the kind of stuff that inspires others to do their best. Often, narcissists are the perfect example of rags to riches stories as most of them do tend to reach quite far in their career thanks to their undying need to get ahead.
Even then, narcissists tend to hype their achievements. That is, theyβll inflate the truth to make them seem more successful than they truly are. So, while they may be relatively better off than most, their actual accomplishments may be far less extravagant than they make it seem.
