Interesting Psychology Team
Daily Habits For Happiness
Research proves that while 50 percent of our happiness is based on genetics and 10 percent is due to external circumstances, a full 40 percent relates to the intentional daily activities and the choices that we make.
So we now know that happiness is a skill set we can learn through practice, but with so much research on the science of happiness, the challenge we faced at Project Happiness was how to take all that information and offer it in a way that was brain-friendly and accessible. The Seven Daily Happiness Habits were designed in this exact way—using social media as a psychoeducational intervention through the days of the week: Mindful Monday, GratiTuesday, Wellness Wednesday, Thoughtful Thursday, Freedom Friday, Social Saturday, and Soul Sunday. The days are just a guideline. It is this daily practice that actually changes the brain. The power is in practicing these habits consistently.
Each of the seven habits offers practical ways to integrate it into your life. As you go through all of the habits, choose one that resonates with you the most right now, and practice it for several days. Then move to another habit until you have covered all seven. Even just a few moments of practice a day can shift your perspective and move you forward. If you miss a day, do not beat yourself up, just pick up where you left off. Consider this a smorgasbord of happiness—take a taste of each and see which offerings you like the best.
HABIT 1: MINDFULNESS (MINDFUL MONDAY)
Mindfulness, the ancient practice of focusing nonjudgmental awareness on the present moment, is now recognized as an effective way to help us navigate through everyday life. From athletes to CEOs, from students to those on the front lines under severe stress, mindfulness meditation is now mainstream. There is good reason.
In our busy and half-crazed modern lifestyle with all its digital distractions, sleep deprivation, comparison culture, and endless obligations, mindfulness or meditation in general is a proven way to re-center, collect your energy, and literally come back to yourself, to be present in your own life. It helps you regulate your attention and emotions so that even in challenging situations, you can be less reactive and not take things as personally.
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INCREASES |
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DECREASES |
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Increases focus and concentration Improves relationships and social connection Helps you sleep better Boosts immune system Enhances mental strength Improves empathy and compassion Physically changes the brain Increases self-awareness |
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Reduces loneliness Lowers blood pressure Decreases painful thoughts and feelings Lowers cortisol, easing stress and anxiety Reduces depression Eases inflammation Reduces heart risk Lowers emotional reactivity Decreases emotional eating |
In as little as a minute, you can reset your mind and come out refreshed. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be rigid or regimented. It’s as easy as remembering to be aware of your breath or even lying outside and gazing at the sky. Guided meditations are designed to reduce stress, increase positivity, and even get you to sleep. There are many apps you can use right on your phone.
Mindfulness will also help you take a step back so you can observe the situation from a place of greater awareness (like a deep ocean that is not disturbed by the temporary waves on the surface). From this more peaceful place you can make a choice of how you want to handle any given situation.
Viktor Frankl explains it beautifully:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
HABIT 2: GRATITUDE (GRATITUESDAY)
Gratitude is like a magic sword—it can cut away the feeling of not having enough, not doing enough, or not being enough. It connects us with what is already working in life and helps us see the small moments of pleasure or grace that are always around, if we take the time to notice them. A great cup of tea—gratitude; the sun that warms your back—gratitude; a smile on the way to work—gratitude, a meaningful conversation—well, you see how it works.
When you think of it, there is so much to be thankful for: from nature to family to friends to our bodies, our food, water, and places of shelter. We can be grateful for our passions and hobbies, our jobs, our community, and our ability to give back. We can appreciate the devices that make life more convenient, as well as our ability to put them away. We can be grateful for the people who fill our days with good feelings and the situations that challenge us—perhaps they are our greatest teachers.
If you want to be happier (and who doesn’t), the simple practice of gratitude can set you up for a lifetime of expansiveness. It truly can open your world and ignite a renewed energy. This is such a powerful practice that I want you to take a moment and really take in the benefits. Gratitude improves sleep, immune function, and longevity. People become more emotionally resilient, relaxed, and optimistic. Robert Emmons, the leading scientific expert on gratitude and author of Thanks!, reports that the result of practicing gratitude is about a 25 percent increase in well-being. Really think about that—this is a game changer.
It will lead you to be more optimistic, feel better about yourself and your life, and connect more with your inner values. Gratitude helps you be more social, more caring; it leads to more meaningful friendships and kinder relationships. More gratitude also leads to less jealousy, less feeling like a victim, and less bitterness. In the workplace, use it as your secret weapon to create deeper social connections, manage people better, and see your productivity go up. This practice alone can jump-start you and keep you going—it is that powerful.
Here are some easy ways to start:
• A gratitude journal: The landmark research study led by Robert Emmons instructed one group to write five things they were grateful for once a week for ten weeks. The second group was told to jot down five things they were not happy about each week, and the third was a neutral group. The results stated, “Participants who’d kept a gratitude journal felt better about their lives as a whole and were more optimistic about the future than participants in either of the other two groups. To put it into numbers, according to the scale we used to calculate well-being, they were a full 25 percent happier than other participants.” If you are ready to take charge of your happiness, would you be willing to write five things you are grateful for once a week?
- A gratitude letter: Think of one special person who you are deeply grateful for, someone who believed in you. Maybe they saw things in you that you did not even see in yourself. You knew they wanted the best for you and had your back. Write them a letter expressing how you feel and why. You can send the letter, but if it is possible to call them up and read it to them or deliver it in person, that is even better. If they are no longer here, writing the letter is still very powerful, as you will experience a renewed connection just by putting your thoughts on paper. This simple exercise will open your heart.
- A gratitude email: This is very useful for a wider range of people and great when you don’t have much time. Simply send a few words of thanks to a friend or colleague. It will make you feel better, lighten their day, and chances are they will send you back a similar note, bringing your thoughtfulness full circle.
- How would you feel without it? Think of a positive event or a relationship that you value and imagine how you might feel if for whatever reason, it was no longer in your life. Think of the moment that started it all and ask yourself, “What if it had transpired differently?” What would your life be like now without that positive event or person? Now recognize that you did not have to face that loss—everything is still standing. Allow yourself to feel not only relief, but full-on gratitude.
Gratitude takes no time, it’s easy to do, and you never have to pay money to be grateful for what you already have. In the words of Seneca:
“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach.”
If your grandmother told you to count your blessings, she was right. Take on this potent practice and you will see how your life can change.
HABIT 3: WELL–BEING (WELLNESS WEDNESDAY)
According to the Harvard School of Public Health, happiness and health are clearly linked as “scientific evidence suggests that positive emotions can help make life longer and healthier.” It makes sense that happiness supports health, and health allows for greater happiness. It is no surprise that we have more vitality when we exercise, eat a balanced diet, and get enough sleep. The more interesting question is why?
- Moving the body not only builds your muscles, it also builds your brain. Exercise releases a protein called BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor) in the learning (prefrontal cortex) and memory (hippocampus) areas of the brain.
- A lack of sleep leads to increased inflammation and decreased strength in the immune system. It also makes it harder to fight off colds and disease. Cortisol also stays at a high level, making you more susceptible to feeling stressed.
- Giving the body mostly fast foods, refined sugars, and saturated fats makes it sluggish and puffy (inflamed). Choosing foods that are high in omega-3 fatty acids and fiber from fruits and vegetables helps in fighting inflammation as well as in regulating your emotions.
The good news is that simple shifts can cause big changes. By tweaking your calendar to build in regular workouts, by choosing an earlier bedtime, and by replacing fast food with options that sustain you, your sense of well-being will go up. It’s not a question—this will happen. And if you bring in a friend and do it together, you will keep each other on track!
Then, as you develop a better sense of well-being, it becomes easier to maintain wellness habits. You want to. So these habits not only make you feel happier and more hopeful and have a more optimistic mind-set, they also open you to healthy behaviors because they support how you want to feel and how you want to be. Feeling better motivates you to keep doing what keeps your energy up. As you vibrate with more energy and positivity, you recognize that this is who you really are.
Self-care Starter Kit
We cannot talk about well-being without mentioning self-care. Though life can be ridiculously fast-paced, with plenty of turbulence, you must take care of the vessel to keep yourself afloat. You might say, “I don’t have the time,” but think of what it could be like if you got really run-down. A little self-care now prevents any deterioration later on. One thing to remember: self-care is not selfish; it is the opposite. It will restore you so you can handle what’s front and center. This is actually the most responsible thing you can do. It’s a way of taking charge of your energy, instead of seeing it steadily slip away. It helps you return to your natural state of happiness. This practice looks different for everyone, but here are a few ideas to get you started.
- The body needs to rest and recharge. Take a spa evening, get a massage or pedicure, take a yoga class or a nap, dance to your favorite music, drop into a relaxing bath, drink more water. Be good to your body—it wants to take care of you.
- The mind also needs some TLC. Don’t “should” on it! Examine with a discerning eye what you feel pressed to do, think, or say. Set boundaries—your mind needs time to relax and do nothing. Listen to some great music, watch a show, stare at a candle—your choice. Release the pressure; this is your time to let go of stress.
- Tend to your spirit. Make some time to take a look at your priorities. Get a gut feeling to know if they still hold true or if it’s time to course correct. Connect with something bigger, through meditation, a spiritual or religious group, or time with yourself in nature. Slow down the breath so you can listen to the whispers of your heart. The best information is right there—inside of you. This is your time to listen and to take it in. Trust that you are being guided.
HABIT4: TOFEELGOOD,DOGOOD(THOUGHTFULTHURSDAY)
Have you ever done an act of kindness for someone else? How did it make you feel? Doing good is a vital pillar of happiness.
Neuroscientist Richard Davidson writes:
“The best way to activate positive-emotion circuits in the brain is through generosity.”
Generosity also triggers a bath of chemicals that makes us feel good: serotonin levels rise, making us happy; cortisol decreases, reducing stress; and oxytocin elevates, making us feel more connected. It’s as if the body is rewarding us for being kind. In ancient times, members of a group had to look out for one another to survive. It’s not that different today.
Generosity does not even have to be about money—a kind word or a sincere smile can touch a heart in profound ways. It doesn’t stop there. Doing good makes you feel good, which in turn motivates kindness and generosity in the future. Some call it a virtuous cycle—you don’t want to stop.
Who benefits most—the giver or the recipient?
Sometimes it’s a toss-up. But how we spend our time and money is just as important, and often more important than the amount of money we make. It also contributes to a sense of purpose in our lives. Those who help others know they matter; they know they are making a difference.
Maybe this is already part of your practice. If not, challenge yourself to find a cause that resonates with you and give a few hours of your time, meet some new people, and know you are helping out. There are volunteering websites that direct you to one-time opportunities or those you can do regularly. If you have ever volunteered or given of yourself with no expectation of return, you know how good it feels.
Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.
—RALPHWALDOEMERSON
As a species, we are wired to care for one another, and age is not a factor. Some experiments showed how toddlers were innately happier to give than to receive. At the heart of it, people are good, and kind, and feel good when they lend a hand. You see the mass outpouring of support in every natural disaster. When you do good, you feel good—maybe it is really that simple. Altruism activates the best within us and models that for others, too. Some say you can measure a person not by what they have, but by what they give. I am convinced that the coolest and most interesting people on earth are givers. And this type of gift comes right back to you.
When you give others a new chance, a new chance is really being given to you.
BRYANTMCGILL
HABIT5: AUTHENTICITY,VULNERABILITY,FORGIVENESS,LETTINGGO(FREEDOM FRIDAY)
It is so easy to get caught up in comparison and the pressure to look or act in a certain way. Achieve the right goals, wear the right clothes, eat the right food, be in the right mood. (As you can see, I am a fan of Dr. Seuss.) But seriously, so many people are trapped in a narrow expression of perceived expectations—and it can be stifling.
Have you ever noticed that when people are guarded, it creates a wall? Unless you can see through to their tenderness inside, you may react by becoming guarded, too. On the other hand, when you have the courage to be vulnerable and to be seen, it gives others more courage to be themselves, too, and to shed the burden of appearing a certain way. Your ego, in its efforts to maintain the status quo, wants to keep you small and scared to step out, but that is not your true nature. You are much more expansive than that. There is a side of you that delights in being yourself: quirky, unique, and filled with possibility. When you take an authentic stance, people will meet you there in that openness, easing the way for you both to experience true connection.
Though sharing your real self makes you seem more vulnerable, showing vulnerability does not mean you are weak. It’s the opposite—when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you reveal your inner strength. In personal relationships, if you care about someone but never take the risk to let them know, they may never find out how you really feel. By keeping your heart “safe,” it is also shielded. It may seem that nothing bad can get in, but neither can the beautiful, magical, and poignant moments. Vulnerability opens doors. In business, if things are not going well, if you keep it inside and pretend, you’ll never get another perspective. But if you share your worries, you discover there is no shame in being human. We all go through challenges.
Forgiveness plays an important role here, too. When we forgive ourselves for holding on to old patterns because they kept us feeling safe, we free ourselves from the chains of denial and self-judgment and create the space to move on. When we can forgive someone else, or at least recognize that they are dealing with their own demons, and sometimes it is not personal, that can be liberating, too. When you connect with your true nature, you see that these old cords can no longer keep you imprisoned—there is so much more waiting for you when you realize that you have the choice to let go of any attachment to other people’s dramas.
One way to move this along is an intuitive visualization called “Cutting the Cord.” The purpose of this is to free yourself from the mental attachments that keep that person front and center in your mind, and to no longer feel exhausted by them whenever you are in their presence. The visualization goes like this: Slow down your breathing and close your eyes. Imagine there is a cord connecting your heart or solar plexus to theirs. Visualize that cord draining you of your energy while filling you with self-doubt and negativity. Then imagine yourself feeling all the tension from that relationship in every part of your body—your hands clench, your shoulders tense, your face gets tight. That is when you reach for an imaginary pair of heavy-duty golden scissors. You take them in both hands and effortlessly cut the cord.
Visualize the severed cord just falling away. Immediately exhale fully and feel all the tension leaving your body along with old attachments. Whether you can forgive the other person now or not isn’t the issue. What’s most important is taking a stand for yourself. By realizing how holding on to hurt and anger only ends up hurting you, you have already taken the first step to greater freedom. After you cut the cord, notice how you can breathe more easily and experience a greater sense of peace.
A more scientific approach, based on the work of Dr. Fred Luskin, author of Forgive for Good, involves nine steps:
- Be clear on what upset you, and tell a few trusted people.
- Since forgiveness is for you, not anyone else, decide that you want to feel better for yourself.
- The aim is not to reconcile with that person, but to take their offenses less personally.
- Adjust your perspective to realize that the upset you are feeling is predominately from the hurt feelings and thoughts that are dominating your mind now—not from what hurt you in the past.
- Take charge of how you feel now by managing your stress through taking a walk or doing exercise or deep breathing to soothe your body’s fight-or-flight response.
- Realize that you are not in control of other people’s actions and adjust your expectations accordingly.
- Find other ways to have your positive goals met rather than hoping the experience you went through will somehow dramatically change. Manage your expectations.
- Make a choice to focus on the goodness, kindness, beauty, and opportunities around you rather than your wounded feelings and your attachment to a dysfunctional situation. A life well lived is the best revenge.
- Rewrite the story of your past to include your heroic choice to forgive as a means of moving your life forward. Recognize that you are the author of your future.
Both exercises will help you shift your perspective and reclaim both your energy and your life. It is time to honor your innate strength and rediscover the amazing parts of you that are poised to emerge.
HABIT6: SOCIALCONNECTION(SOCIALSATURDAY)
Since the earliest days, human beings have depended on their tribes for safety, food, and shelter. Through working together, traveling together, living cooperatively, and caring for one another, the tribe could thrive. Even today, we gather in workplaces, schools, sports arenas, book clubs, and spiritual groups to combine our resources and energies and to bond.
Even a baby will literally not survive without feeling connected. In 1995, two twins were born twelve weeks premature, weighing only two pounds. They were placed in separate incubators, according to the hospital’s protocol. One was doing well, but her sister was struggling to breathe, and it looked like she might not make it. When a nurse had the idea to transfer the healthier sister into the weaker sister’s incubator, something unexpected happened. The stronger sister, just three weeks old, put her arm around her twin, whose breathing and vital signs instantly stabilized. A photographer happened to be there at the time, and the photo of one tiny infant hugging another was featured in Life magazine. Worldwide this was called “The Rescue Hug.”
For human animals or animals of any age, we all need to connect in order to thrive, illustrated by the research conducted on rats. In one experiment, a rat in a solitary cage was given the choice between drinking water or drinking a solution of water and morphine. The result: the rat became addicted to the morphine drip and died. This became an often-cited example of the danger of drugs and was highlighted to support the war on drugs. But … if you look closer, that was just one part of the story.
What was not considered was the fact that these caged rats were in the equivalent of a prison, and not just prison—this was solitary confinement. What if the rats had turned to the morphine solution to numb themselves from the isolation and depression they felt, much in the same way that people do?
A fascinating study led by Bruce Alexander at Simon Fraser University took a fresh look. The premise was that maybe social isolation was the major factor. Was it the “cage or the chemical” that was causing the addiction?
To test this out, single rats were again placed in solitary cages and offered a choice of water or water laced with morphine, same as before. In contrast, a large group of rats were placed together, with the same beverage choices, in what was called a “Rat Park.” Think of the most amazing resort: it had areas to play, to eat, to have sex. Soon there were lots of baby rats, too. So, there were jobs to do, other rats to look after—it was a very busy place. The findings stated: “the rats in Rat Park, called the ‘Social Females’ and ‘Social Males’ … are consuming hardly any morphine solution, but the ‘Caged Females’ and ‘Caged Males’ are consuming a lot.”
Due to the findings from the “Rat Park,” that the drug, according to Bruce Alexander,
“only becomes irresistible when the opportunity for normal social existence is destroyed,”
more people feel that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety; the opposite of addiction is connection. That prompts the question: Can human connection actually prevent the addiction in the first place? It may not be as simplistic as that—stress, ACEs (adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse, neglect, and other traumas), and genetics can all factor into addiction.
But in a society where people may feel caged by loneliness and disconnection and increasingly addicted to everything from our devices to whatever it takes to numb the pain, social connection is an important way to help.
Loneliness, though, is different from solitude. Some people seek intervals of solitude in nature or retreats (being alone but not lonely) to reenergize or gain insights.
No one, however, chooses to feel lonely. In fact, it has physical repercussions affecting stress levels, the immune system, inflammation levels, and sleep. Put simply, unless one chooses to do an extended period of meditation in a cave, people need to be around people.
Touch Starvation Is Real
Yet in our over-scheduled, device-driven, often overwhelmed lives, many people are finding they have less time to truly connect. Touch starvation, also known as skin hunger, is a fairly recent term to describe a lack of physical touch or affection. Service dogs and pets of every variety are increasingly popular for many reasons, including comfort and companionship. Did you know that for a quick fix of caffeine and oxytocin (the cuddle hormone), there are now cat cafés and even dog cafés that let you pay an hourly fee to connect with a room full of adoptable pets?
Japan, the birthplace of many of these trends, also originated something called “cuddle cafés,” where individuals book time with a “cuddler” to be held in their arms. These cafés feature a menu of services ranging from clothes-on cuddling to conversation to costumes. And in case you are surprised, the idea is spreading. At Cuddle Up to Me, in Portland, Oregon, certified cuddlers offer hugs and a compassionate presence. These sessions supply relief and companionship to people and hopefully serve as a building block for more fully formed relationships to come.
Across the board, in our hyper-busy lives, often relationships take a back seat to other “priorities.” Though it’s not something we set out to do, it can happen, more easily than we may notice. If you don’t want to look back with regret, make a choice to reserve the time to prioritize meaningful connections now. Whether it’s planned time with friends, regular dinners with family, or simply taking your dog for an evening outing, it will make life happier and help you thrive.
Taken one step further, we have the ability to make happiness contagious. When one person becomes happy, we now know that this can spread up to three degrees: your happy mood makes someone else happy, they go on to make another person happier, and that person increases yet another person’s happiness level.
When your happiness ripples out to uplift three more people, you instantly become an agent of positive change. In difficult times, when so many are struggling, this has huge social implications. Did you ever even think that you could seed positive social change by attending to your own happiness? Imagine the ripple effect if more people actually took this on.
HABIT7: MEANING,PURPOSE, ANDSOUL(SOULSUNDAY)
“What is my purpose?” is one of the most perplexing questions we can ever face. It can take a lifetime or it can take one conversation. In this story, it is resolved very quickly:
One day, a student asks his master the purpose of his life. She answers, “Only you can find that, but knowing your purpose is not found in your mind, but rather in your heart.” She then posed a question: “If you knew, right now, that you were going to die tomorrow, what would you most regret that you had not accomplished?” He thought about it and responded that he would regret not making peace with his family and not creating his own center for learning. The master smiled and said, “See how you discovered it for yourself. Now it is up to you to go and make these your reality…”
On the journey toward feeling a sense of purpose, what is your inner compass trying to tell you? There is a part of you that has all the answers. Sometimes the hints bubble up when you release your mind from a one-pointed focus and give it permission to randomly roam. Whether it’s through noticing fresh ideas, the feelings in your gut, or the callings of your heart, this is not the time to “make it happen,” but to allow inspiration to come to you. Give yourself permission to notice the signs.
To attune to the stirrings of your soul, it also helps to slow down. That way, you can be more in sync with how nature works. Instead of criticizing yourself for a lack of clarity or tangible results (“I should be further along by now!”), realize that there is a life cycle and everything has its season. Whether you find yourself in a period of big growth or in a lull when nothing seems to be happening, it is helpful to be aware of nature’s rhythm.
Just picture it: Spring, when new plants tentatively emerge from the soil—this is a time of new ideas sprouting, new beginnings. Summer brings full-on growth and it’s when ideas are a riot of color blossoming for all to see. In the fall, you harvest everything that had been planted; it’s a time of reaping all the seeds you have sown. Then comes winter, when there’s a period of hibernation and incubation, when things are not moving externally, but there is so much going on under the surface to prepare for what is to come. Though spring and summer may be more showy and colorful, each season plays a vital part and builds on the other. All of them work together in a system that has been perfected through the eons. Nature in all her wisdom.
Rather than fight with this natural rhythm, the point is to flow with it. Rather than relentlessly pursuing your passion and purpose, hold this pursuit lightly. What if instead of finding your passion, which can feel like a lot of pressure, you allowed yourself to just cultivate curiosity? What speaks to you in the moment? What do you want to explore? Sometimes one thing leads to the other, and that may have no relation to your original plan. But you may come out in a fresh new place. When you eventually look back on your life events, you can see how one thing led to the other, and even if you thought you were taking a detour, you learned exactly what you needed to move forward. Enjoy the journey without self-judgment. It will add joy to your life and bring you home.
A sense of meaning can also come in many forms. Many experience a sense of meaning through their spiritual practice or religion. It could be family that gives their life meaning, or the type of work they do. Some are motivated by the pursuit of justice or social causes.
If you ask your mind to guide you toward your purpose before you go to sleep, you may wake up with fresh insights, or receive ideas in the shower, or see signs that pop out to you during the day. Sometimes the message on a billboard may jump out at you, or what is written on a passing truck. Sometimes a refrain from a song will speak to you, or a book may drop from a shelf in a library. There may be a headline in the news, or a phrase that you heard on TV that does not leave your mind. Inspiration is everywhere—be ready to receive.
Thank you for your time, i am pretty sure if you practice this Daily Happiness Habits, my Guarantee to you is a Year of Happiness. D’ont forget to share this article for your friend, so we keep making them.
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