Finding yourself Can be Your Path to Read People

Reading people requires skill and practice. If you are not careful when reading people, you’ll only see what you want to see. This can be the toughest part of learning to read People. You need to understand yourself first. Keep your feelings in mind and understand why you are the way you are. Everyone is different, but we all have similarities, too.

We all are social creatures. We all have similar basic needs.

What does the person you are “reading” say?

 What does your acquaintance speak about? Pay attention. If one person (we’ll call him John Doe) talks about how he helps people, and also about his latest sports feats, and another (Jane Doe) speaks about helping kids and the latest projects she has done with them, it’s relatively easy to read these two people.

 Both people enjoy helping people. But John is in it for social status and Jane is in it because she sincerely cares. What is John lacking? Why does he want the spotlight?

 Jane has a true love of people and she helps from a sense of empathy.

 This is the nature of the people you are trying to analyze. After you understand a person’s basic needs, you can read him more easily. Pay attention to his nature.

Once you know what people usually look and act like, it will be easier to distinguish their “tells” from things that are normal for them to do.

 It is natural for people to move their bodies while they talk. Truthful speech may include moving forward and leaning back. Some people are stiff when they converse, but liars tend to freeze their motions, to avoid leaking any gestures that may be emotive. As an alert “people reader”, you will notice that a lack of body motion is a sign of deceit.

 Shoulders say a lot about the person speaking. They drop when the speaker is exasperated and hunch up when he is uncomfortable. Shrugs may mean “I don’t care” or “I don’t know”. Partial shrugs can indicate an attempt at deception.

 Hands are very expressive body parts. When you speak with someone, notice his “illustrators”, which means the way he uses his hands to emphasize and accent speech. Watch for people who embellish their story-telling or who don’t use their hands in speech. These can be signs that they are not invested in what they say. Also watch for unnatural movements, like folded palms or clenched fists. They are indicators that the speakers are restraining themselves from saying something.

 Watch the arms when someone is speaking, too. Underuse can indicate dishonesty. Crossing of the arms is defensive, and sometimes people even lock them in that position. A position of open arms with palms out is an open, honest stance; crossed arms indicate a closed stance.

You can make general assumptions based on people’s nature.

 When you are speaking to someone, what is in the person’s nature? Do they seem to be interested in the greater good? Or are they more often negative? Negative people usually lack something. If needs aren’t met, people sometimes react negatively.

 Is the person you are speaking to a loner, or does he prefer a crowd? If he likes crowds, he is probably comfortable with those people for a reason – they have something in common. It’s natural to like people that are more like you.

 If the person with whom you are speaking hangs out with different kinds of people, then he is probably open-minded. Most open-minded people are empathetic and care about others. 

 Some people naturally look inward and do not like crowds. This means that they usually don’t feel a need for a great deal of association with other people. They may feel that they don’t belong in a group, or they may have social fears.

Take notice of cultural differences to read People in a better way.

 If a person does things differently than others, perhaps his culture is different from the one in which you live. When you are reading people, you must pay attention to where they are from, so that you understand their normal behaviors.

Don’t be afraid to ask people why they feel the way they do.

 There are reasons why people do things. Find out those reasons. Feel free to ask people why they are doing something, but not in a snide way. If they answer, you’ll know more about them.

 If someone seeks social status, like “John” above, why is that? Did he not have any status when he was younger? If he lacks in status, he may react negatively when he feels that a newcomer threatens that status. This usually causes dislike.

 Once you have asked why people do what they do, the rest of what your eyes have told you will be drawn together and you can make a valid assumption about their motivations and character. This makes them easier to read.

 Notice their faults, without judging. When you read people, keep your mind open. Everyone has faults and imperfections.

You can analyze to some degree by people’s appearance.

 Quickly scanning someone’s appearance when you meet the first time may tell you a bit more about him. Some of this is common sense, but you have to do a scan, not just notice one or two aspects of their appearance.

 Are his clothes tailored? He probably has money, if they are. This isn’t good or bad; it’s just an observation.

 Is his hair wet? He is probably a very busy person who just hopped out of the shower and headed to work. Is this always accurate? No, but many times it is.

Listen to what people say, without prompting or interfering.

 This means steer the conversation so that the topics are interesting to the person to whom you are speaking. As he speaks, he will reveal more about himself.  You can read what may be behind the words, or take them at face value. You will give yourself enough time to read his facial expression and gestures, too.

Watch what all types of people do. 

 People may tell you lots of things about:, what they feel and think, but they may also be kidding you, and even themselves.

Look for disconnects between their words and their body language and expressions. Perhaps a person mentions feelings for another person, but shakes his head when he does so. If he tells you he is happy but is frowning, he may be actually telling you something else. Don’t assume what people say is true, until you gather a bit more information.

 Perhaps the person he loves does not love him back. Perhaps he is not happy but fears losing what he thinks makes him happy. You won’t know until you listen to the whole story.

Direct and indirect people will be different to read.

 Direct people have more forcefulness and control that they try to exercise over people or situations. They may come on rather strongly, create good first impressions and make quick decisions. They take risks, since they are fast-paced, and they may become impatient with people who don’t keep up with them. They appear dominant and confident and they talk a lot.

At the opposite end of the spectrum are indirect people. They give you the impression that they are reserved and quiet. They seem easy-going and supportive, and meditative with decisions, to avoid risks. They do more listening than talking. They hold their opinions in reserve and make only tentative statements.

Allow your mind to merge with their mind.

 Real facial expressions and body language reflect the way you feel, but that can be changed – actually changed – by adopting other facial expressions and posture. 30 seconds of smiling (fake) can actually make you feel more cheerful. Sitting in a confident, open way may raise men’s testosterone levels, making them actually feel more confident than they originally did.

Have you noticed that when you and someone else see “eye to eye”, you will unconsciously and naturally mirror each other’s posture and expressions?  Try adopting someone’s expressions and posture to build rapport and to see how it makes you feel. This will help you to feel the way they might, in fact, be feeling. With some practice, you can read people much more easily, especially if you can feel their emotions yourself.

Zone in on lack of compassion or empathy.

 If people show a lack of compassion or empathy, these can indicate their character. You can easily identify an empathetic person. If they refocus the conversation on themselves, they are not compassionate.

 Improving your sign-spotting technique can be accomplished by watching children and what they look like when they try to tell one of those little white lies.

Professional poker players even suggest looking to kids to help in gleaning information that will make it easier to read people. Adults tell white lies in social situations, but children have not yet learned that skill. They are not good at lying and their signals are magnified because they are inept at lying.

 It is natural that some people are better at lying than others. If someone you speak with is not a good liar, they may exhibit some of those same signs that children do, when lying.

 To refine the skill of reading people, notice that people who are truthful use “I” as a pronoun more often than people who are being deceitful. Even in brief statements, they will use this pronoun quite a bit. 

Deceptive people will instead use language that will minimize any references to themselves. Describing the events of a conversation in a passive way may show deception. They will say that the door was left unlocked, even if the correct statement would be “I left the door unlocked”.

Dishonest people often blame others for things.

 If you are on a date with a new acquaintance, and he speaks about his prior relationships, he may not have anything good to say about his old partners and he may even blame them for a break-up.

People who want to cover themselves may use deception.

 Normally honest people may use deception only as a coping response or defense mechanism. It may or may not be considered dishonesty, but people cover for their actions. In this case, deceit is used to cover up some lack of proper performance.

 Employees may be sympathetic, to a degree, towards co-workers who are just covering their back-sides. Their lies may not hold malice, and only uttered to keep from getting into trouble over what was an honest mistake. As long as they don’t implicate someone else, these are usually overlooked.

Some people blame “the system” for their mistakes.

 Some employees are willing to blame company flaws for the deceptive behavior of their co-workers. They may feel that their employer requires employees to lie if they want to keep their jobs.

 In some companies, it may seem that honest people can’t survive. These are stressful climates for everyone. Lying in this situation doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is deceitful. It’s just one of the ways instant recognition of a lie does not mean the person is a “bad person”.

If you want to get faster and more accurate at reading people, you need to constantly practice those skills.

 This doesn’t mean that you have to take classes. You can develop these skills by always actively observing and listening every day.

Being overconfident about your skills will hurt your accuracy.

 Many people are good liars, but most people think they can easily tell when someone is telling the truth. If you believe you can detect deception, it makes you feel secure. It allows you to feel more in control. However, these beliefs make it harder for you to actually detect others’ deception.

Deception may leak through a person’s language.

 You can never read people based only on what you are seeing. Deception can leak through conversation, vocal tone, word choice and speech patterns. Words can help tell you about someone, when behaviors are not enough on which to base an assumption.

Watch for people who are too talkative. (read people’s lies)

 Researchers have discovered that good liars are often more talkative. They effectively try to convince you that their lie is true. The stories go on and on and may become more elaborate each time they are told.

 A good way to ferret out a lie is just to remain quiet and let the other people fill that silence you have created. As they continue speaking, this gives them the chance to embellish their story and maybe tangle themselves within their own lies. Just watch the lie come to life as they speak. If the liar becomes quiet, you can ask some open-ended questions and observe their reactions.

You may want to check this relatively article, for more insight on how to read people:

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