15 Ways How do Intelligent People Deal with Difficult People?

A relationship with anyone (boss, colleague or customer) needs to build on, and connect with, some mutuality of trust, equality, respect, honesty and empathy. A person can appear ‘difficult’ often because they are focusing exclusively on their needs, without any apparent appreciation of ours. We might also feel they are being totally unreasonable, objectionable, vindictive, insulting, offensive, and obstructive. People do actually lie, cheat and stab others in the back (metaphorically speaking). Trust needs to be earned.

Difficult People – who are they?

Thankfully though, usually people are difficult because of more rational and logical reasons; they fear change, they feel under some threat, they feel unsure of their ground, they have real worries and anxieties, or they have ‘issues’ that remain unresolved and are projected on us.

That is not to say inappropriate behaviours should be tolerated or accepted. Not at all. There’s a red line on what is and what is not acceptable behaviour, and this is often the starting point for how to deal with difficult people.

A relationship with anyone is a two-way process. Whilst we may form a view that defines someone as ‘difficult’ there’s also our side of the perspective. What are we feeling and how are we reacting or responding?

Perhaps we feel ignored, wronged, hurt, intimidated, misunderstood, undermined, or even flatly bullied.

Are we forming our opinion based on the pure facts of the situation as it is in the here and now, or are we haunted or tainted by some similar situation from the past which traumatized or paralyzed us?

In some cases we might feel the other person has some vendetta out on us and this can feel particularly threatening and destabilising. It can feel like they have it in for us and there’s no escape.